Friends (II)

Continuing the thought from last week about Christian vs. non-Christian friends, let's take a look at Jesus. Who were his friends? Who did he prefer to hang with? It seems when we look at the accounts of his life in the four Gospels we see a somewhat contrasting picture. Of course, he spent much time with his disciples, especially the twelve, and more especially the "inner circle" of Peter, James, and John. No doubt he must have felt some special kinship to these. For example, on one occasion when his biological brothers and even his own mother wanted to see Jesus, he responded, '"Who is My mother and who are My brothers?' And stretching out His hand toward His disciples, He said, 'Behold My mother and My brothers! For whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven, he is My brother and sister and mother'" (Matt 12:48-50). Jesus seemed to be suggesting that those who similarly follow God are those he feels the closest kinship to. And that is how it should be with us, shouldn't it? Certainly that is what we see with the disciples in Acts and the letters.

And yet, Jesus was also a friend to the "tax-gatherers and sinners" (those considered the scum of the earth in Israel). In fact, Jesus spent so much time with the "sinners" that the religious leaders among his fellow-Jews complained and accused him of being a glutton and a drunkard (Mt 11.16-19). It was a false charge, of course, but Jesus responded that "wisdom is vindicated by her deeds." He purposely sought out people far from God because, as he said on an earlier similar occasion when the religious people complained about Jesus' choice of company, he had compassion for them and they needed a physician (Mt 9.10-13). Jesus knew that the best way to help broken people is to be their friend.

I wonder, though, if he didn't also find "sinners" more real and open than others (I put "sinners" in quotation marks because the truth is that we area all sinners). Certainly they were more genuine and accepting than the religious leaders. But even Jesus' own disciples didn't really get Jesus. They vied for position, acted faithlessly, and seldom seemed to understand him (though they eventually changed). In contrast, Jesus marveled at pagan military commanders who understood his power and authority (Mt 8.5-13), or prostitutes who understood his love (Lk 7.36-50). They saw something in Jesus that even his closest friends seldom comprehended. And Jesus saw something special in them as well.

I'm not suggesting that Jesus preferred the company of people far from God to the company of those who were of kindred spirit in matters of the spirit (or, of the Spirit). But he certainly preferred the former to the religious people. I sometimes wonder who he would prefer today. One of the characteristics of the religious people of Jesus' world was that they disdained "sinners" and kept aloof of them. Has the church today been a little guilty of that? Have we secluded ourselves from the world so much that it could never be said of us that we are friends of the "sinners"? Have we enough compassion for people who are far from God to spend time with them, eat with them, and become their friends? Or are we so uncomfortable around unbelievers that we shun their company?

Friends

My grown son's recent Facebook status got me to thinking about friends and friendship. My son is a Christian, and he is a very social guy with lots of friends, both Christian and non-Christian. In fact, I believe he has so many friends because he is a true friend himself. He is loyal to his friends, and accepts them for who they are. In a recent post he expressed joy for his friends, and then stated something surprising for a Christian to say when he said, "especially my non-Christian friends as they are the greatest." Now, I know his Christian friends, and they are true believers whom he loves dearly. In fact, many of them are my dearest friends, and they are true friends. And I know some of his non-Christian friends, too--a great bunch of young people. But my son is not the first Christian I know to express such feelings. I find that young people especially (and I'm talking about faithful, God-loving Christians) sometimes seem to be more comfortable around their non-Christian friends than their Christian friends. Why is that? And is there something we can learn here? On the other hand, can it be said that the sweetest friendships for a Christian are among his or her Christian brothers and sisters?

Do non-Christians really make better friends? As I suggested to my son in my Facebook response, it may seem so because often unbelievers are more real and accepting, less judgmental. I think this is especially true when it comes to being real. As Christians, we have a very high standard to live up to: Jesus Christ who is perfect. And sometimes we go around acting like we actually live up to that standard. While we all acknowledge that none of us are perfect, we often act like we are, or at least nearly so. That is, while we all admit that we sin, we don't want anyone to know which ones. So we put on a face, especially in church. We pretend to have it all together, when inside or behind close doors we may be really struggling. We seldom talk about our own personal struggles or failings, because we don't want anyone to know. And from what I've gathered, very few Christians have anyone in their life that they are completely open with or with whom they can go to with their deepest struggles. And so if you crave being real, you just might be more comfortable around those who make no profession to follow Jesus.

On the other hand (am I starting to sound like Tevye?), maybe non-Christians aren't any more real than Christians. Maybe they just have less to hide, since they are not trying to live up to such a high standard. If you are not a follower of Jesus, I'd really like to hear from you on this. What do you think?

In my experience, after 31 years as a Christian, I can say that my Christian friends do accept me for who I am. Some of them know my failings all too well, maybe even better than I do, yet they still love me. But they offer me at least one thing that no one else does: while they accept me for who I am, they challenge me to be better. They accept me but hold me accountable. They encourage me to grow, to change, in fact to be more "real" as a Christian by "really" trying to live like Jesus. And are they real? I think so. At least as real as I am. And I can't ask anymore than that of anyone.